Old People’s Response to Tom Daley’s New Boyfriend: F*ck I Have a Chance

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Tom Daley’s real boyfriend has been revealed it’s 39 year-old Oscar-winning screenwriter Dustin Lance Black. It’s still unconfirmed, however NAMBLA (North America Man Boy Love Association) is heralding the news as a triumph.  Middle-aged men around the world are hanging Teen Beat pictures of Tom with drawn hearts to their bedroom wall. Later today a bunch of 30-40 years-old dudes will be at the mall trampling over 13 year-old girls to get Tom’s 2014 calendar. It’s crazy!

Of course it’s completely inappropriate for a 19 year-old to date a 39 year-old, but this is TOM DALEY! So if I was Dustin Lance Black I would say ‘fuck you all!’ Sorry the post is so short today, but I have to meet some buddies at the mall.

Tom Daley is Gay: The Boyfriend Revealed?

 

Tom Daley GayHe’s Gay. After repeatedly denying it Tom Daley comes out. Most Americans just thought he was VERY European. But several other people who claim to have the super power Gaydar are saying, ‘I knew it all along.’ Well they also knew the Pope was Catholic and the sun would rise in the East–give it a rest!!! We all knew it.

Now the next big reveal is who’s the boyfriend–Tumbler is on-fire with speculation the leading candidate is this guy: Continue reading

Was Joan Crawford Really A Bad Mother?

Joan Crawford has a point: Wire hangers are hideous, they ruin sweaters and add to the ever-growing land fills. Not really bad motherly advice advocating for their non-use is it. Based on Crawford’s astute assessment, I constantly whacked the old lady at my dry cleaners every time I picked of my sweaters exclaiming, “NO MORE WIRE HANGERS!” Much to my chagrin that iconic scene in Mommy Dearest was a fabrication. I owe my dry cleaning lady a big apology. During a Q&A session with Christine Crawford at the screening of Surviving Mommy Dearest she admits the iconic scene “never happened,” instead, she claims, it was an “accumulation” of events. A lot of movie goers are going to feel duped.

Christina Crawford’s new documentary, Surviving Mommy Dearest, reveals new information about Joan Crawford’s abuse, substance addiction and alcoholism. Those who attended the screening of Surviving Mommy Dearest got to hear Christina, in her own words, spin even more horrific stories about her mother from racism to innuendoes of murder.  Continue reading

I Hate Lady Gaga

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Not really, but felt a little left out of the ‘lets trash Artpop movement.’ I’m kind of boarding on being a prehistoric monster–a Gaga fan that’s a bit too old to be fraternizing with little monsters. Case and Point: I received an invitation to be a beta tester for littlemonsters.com. Clearly I’m a “special” fan so I signed up immediately to gush over Gaga with fellow monsters. However the experience quickly turned into an episode of Datelines’ To Catch a Predator. Check out this exchange with a little monster: Continue reading

Is Eminem Gay?

Ok, I like Eminem’s music–I admit it. But he tosses around faggot and gay boy on “Rap God” like he’s at some alcohol infused circuit party on Fire Island. Everyone knows faggot, similar to the N-word, can only be used by the group it was intended to keep down. Eminem is a relatively smart guy that knows it’s not ok to use the N-word. Rappers don’t play that game homie-they will hunt you down and beat your ass. There is no call from Al Sharpton for your label to drop you. There will be no sit down with Oprah asking for forgiveness. Rappers are badass, they don’t like the talkie talkie they like the fistie fistie. Eminem knows full well its ixnay on the N-word. Given his astute non-usage of the N-word, leads one to believe he is using the F-word properly as a gay man. If he’s not, expect one hard bitch slap from Elton John–guurrlll don’t mess with that queen!

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Justin Bieber at Strip Club – Patron or Performer? [NSFW]

It’s hard to tell from this picture if the Biebs is a Go-Go boy at an East Village twink bar or at a Texas Strip Club. Well it’s a strip club! Bieber and his bros had a little fun over the weekend at a Houston strip club.

The ladies weren’t the only ones showing the flesh as the night progress Bieber lost his shirt and his pants headed south. That was enough to turn DiamondsR4ever into a Belieber:

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The Voice: I Think You’re Fat!

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Fat people can’t win even if they’re skinny! Poor 16 year-old Jason Kertson got booted off The Voice for having a voice the size of Meatloaf. Is vocal-profiling ok? Do we need Dante de Blasio to cut a commercial about this? Continue reading

Marc Jacobs Splits With Porn Star Boyfriend

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It’s been a rough month for Marc Jacobs he loses his job at Louis Vuitton and splits with his incredibly endowed boyfriend Harry Louis. Poor Marc, how will he ever find a new porn star boyfriend? It will probably be as hard as Louis Vuitton deciding which accessories will get it’s LV logo this year. I guess it wont be that hard for Marc–save your tears.  Continue reading