Logo is extending its A-List franchise from New York to Dallas in a fashion dramatically different then the original cast—the boys down south are young and hung.
In the first sixty seconds of meeting A-Lister Levi, we learn this 25-year-old former rodeo cowboy is not only endowed but also obsessed with his ‘Texas Long Horn.’ (check out Levi Naked) So much so he started his own line of clothing called Inchwear that proudly displays your manhood on variety of apparel.
As a kind gesture to the New York A-Listers, Levi sent over an array of clothing with the insignias of ‘5’s’ and ‘6’s’ proudly displayed—I guess he was sizing up. In return Reichen sent over some of his seamen scented cologne that can also substitute as lube. It’s nice to see the A-Listers are bonding.
This season is fixin to be quite a hoedown so you better hunker down. The fun begins with Taylor and James longing for another ride at the rodeo with their endowed ex-lover Levi. Both boys had relations with Levi and they are looking to mount that steer one more time.
Taylor is a church going, conservative Christian, republican political activist who believes Jesus never said anything bad about gay people. And Taylor should know since he has the Bible App on his iPad, probably right next to his Grindr app, so whenever he gets an impure thought he can read a few verses on the go.
Say what you will about Evangelical Fundamentalists, but Taylor proves something I have suspected for a long time—Bible thumpers must be freaks in bed. Levi, who has spread his DNA all over Dallas, saddled down with Taylor for over a year and half. Can you imagine the sexual acts that went down to keep Levi’s interest in check for such an extended period of time? Taylor’s Bible App must have been in overdrive. Levi was so bemused with Taylor he attended church with him every Sunday. Levi just doesn’t strike me as the Church going boy, unless it includes a frisky priest and naughty alter boy fantasy. So something had to motivate Levi and I don’t think it was the word of the Lord.
Taylor is pulling out all the stops to get Levi back. During his bible study group he prays for a divine intervention to guide him in his quest for Levi. Can you imagine the pistol Levi is packing if you’re calling in Jesus’ help?
This makes things difficult for fellow A-Lister James who has been pining away for Levi the past 6 years. James is blabbing around town about what a hot and heavy love affair the two had. Levi, on the other hand, has no recollection of anything more than kissing. Considering its an occupational hazard for a rodeo cowboy to be dropped on his head its understandable Levi is a little fuzzy with some of the details—who believes two19-year-old boys just kissed naked in bed?
While James isn’t in pursuit of Levi, his family-sponsored lavish lifestyle, lack of job and love of liquor leaves him with a lot of idle time he spends giving us drunken Facebook updates. His updates are utterly prolific–he’s like the gay Maya Angelou. Just take a look at one of his latest Facebook updates:
“Sometimes we don’t move on. It’s kind of like if someone dug a huge hole in the street. The first few times, you would forget its there, fall into it, and get pretty banged up. But as time goes on, you remember that its there, and start reminding yourself to just ‘walk around it’.”
Definitely a quote co-authored by his friend Jack Daniels. James’ real-life friends, with the power of All Mighty God, look hell bent on getting him off the Jesus juice. We will all certainly miss his pearls of wisdom if he does. James summed it up quite simply when nagged about his excessive drinking, “you need to shut the fuck up” y’all.
Chase, the resident financier with his glorious hair, seems sweeter than a peach cobbler, but this little tart has his eye on Levi’s meat pie too. Chase is just sitting back looking all cute and charming while Taylor and James slug it out for Levi’s affections. Once those two annihilate each other, Chase will swoop in and take his southern stud. Taylor certainly has Chase’s number. During his bible study with his strait gal pal Ashley, he discusses Chase’s inappropriate flirtation with his man. You know what Jesus says, “don’t covet thy neighbor’s husband”—no good will come of it Chase.
Ashley is the quintessential God-fearing southern belle who only hangs with the gays. I suspect it’s not really her choice. Girls find her much too attractive to befriend her, fearing she would certainly steal their men. Ashley’s police officer husband, while being all kinds of cop sexy, knows he married out of his league and is not letting any straight dude within 10 feet of her.
So it’s just the gay boys for Ashley, but not to fret as it works out quite nicely for her. She can play hairstylist with Chase, pray with Taylor and get eaten out by James-what else could a girl want? Wait a second–James likes muffin munching?! During James’ exploratory days with the ladies, he said the one thing he did enjoy was “eating p*ssy.” I don’t think Officer Justin had that in mind when he said Ashley could hang with the gays. Be careful James, you, more then most, should know how these types of situations dealt with in Texas. Texans don’t just “hug it out” like us northerners.
Rounding out the cast is Phillip – Dallas’ premiere stylist and all around busy body. And naturally in the first sixty seconds of meeting him we learn everything is big in Texas, including his raging bull.
Phillip’s favorite past time is stirring the pot. He gets James and Levi chatting about their sexual past only to discover the boys had very different accounts. Once the boys are together, Phillip plants the seed of discontent causing all hell to break loose between Levi and James. The confrontation ends with James in tears mumbling how “in the movies someone must win” (in his mind I’m sure that made sense). James ended up placating Levi, but that surely wont last long.
Well it’s just the beginning of this little shindig. So sit back and enjoy your weekly big stiff shot of Southern Comfort. I have a feeling these boys are gonna deliver. Yee-HAW!
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