How dare they! Give us what we want that is. The London Olympics should be Michael Phelps’ crown jewel since he’s on track to win the most Gold medals of any Olympian in the history of the summer games. For that reason alone, Phelps and his 16 Olympic medals should be the toast of the Olympics, but it’s not. Phelps has been knocked off his podium by his less accomplished teammate Ryan Lochte who only has a sparse 6 medals.

Why is Lochte the break out star at the Olympics? Because he’s hot. Lochte is already on the cover of Vogue, and secured endorsement deals with Sprint, Gatorade, Gillette and Nissan. In the New York Times feature on Lochte The Making of an Olympic Sex Symbol advertisers say, they are “Phelps’d out.” That’s Industry speak for Phelps is a bore and not nearly as hot as Lochte.

Ok, let me get off my high horse, I’m Phelps’d out too. The guy is a bore! He trains, eats, sleeps and repeats. Phelps got photographed smoking pot and quickly issued a drab apology as not to tarnish his nonexistent image. The only thing I know about this guy is he swims–big deal I learned how to swim in the second grade.

Look like Lochte gots some junk in his trunks! I bet that extra lag adds a few second to his start times.

Lochte Partying with the Boyz!

Lochte on the other hand is a party boy, likes fashion, lives with his brother and another fellow swimmer dude (let the rumors begin). His favorite artist is Lil Wayne and he acts likes a wigger complete with diamond grillz.

Lochte Looking Bad Ass

All Lochte has to do at the Olympics is win one lousy bronze medal and the world will be his oyster. One advertiser says, “He has potential for winning golds, and then just the fact that he’s so damn good-looking. If he can’t beat Michael Phelps in anything else, he can beat him in that category.”

Show Me the Money

It looks like Lochte will lock up all the big endorsements. Phelps shouldn’t fret! There will still be plenty of products for him to endorse: vanilla ice cream, prunes, Polident, Depends, the Honda Civic, Walmart, the color white–the list is endless. It looks like both boys will do well–Olympic dreams do come true.

Check out Lochte’s shoe closet (for real):

And Michael Phelps’:

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