Battle of the (Olympic-Sized) Bulge

This family friendly event has turned into to cesspool of sleaze. Hard-bodied lycra-cladded studs are displaying their naughty bits for the world to see. It’s disgusting! I’m so upset I reported NBC to Mom’s Against Penises for their Olympic coverage.

I called up Chic-Fil-A’s CEO for his opinion, and he thinks all these bulging athletes flaunting their Johnsons are turning kids gay. In protest to the depravity, Chic-Fil-A will no longer sell drumsticks. Before people get in an uproar it’s not because he doesn’t like dark meat, allegedly, but it’s because the drumstick looks like a penis–makes sense. I personally plan to boycott Dupont, the makers of Lycra.

The person I most feel sorry for is 30-year-old Olympic runner Lolo Jones, more known for being the world’s second most famous virgin. With all these temptations how is this poor girl going to keep her ultimate gift for her future husband Tim Tebow (the world’s most famous virgin–sorry Jesus)? On a side note, why do good-looking people need to broadcast their self-imposed virginity? It just makes ugly virgins feel sad about their un-imposed virginity.

Anyway, back to the Bulge. If there is one good thing that has come out of this controversy is that we can confirm these athletes are not on steroids—unless they found a new roid that doesn’t shrink your testicles.

I’m sorry to say the lamestream media doesn’t have the courage to cover this story. So markatlarge will do the dirty job of exposing every last one of these perverse athletes and display them on my website for the world to see what’s being sold as wholesome entertainment. Think of me as the modern-day Woodyward and Bonerstein.

Let’s take a look at the Hall of shame

Henrik Rummel
Age: 24
Country: U.S.A.
Sport: Rowing

This obscene picture is was the inspiration for my post: (I guess he was really excited he won the Bronz–I wonder what a Gold metal would do to him?)

Björn Barrefors
Age: 21
Country: Sweden
Sport: Decathlon

I don’t know what made me think of this, but I do love Swedish meatballs.

 

Danell Leyva
Age: 20
Country: U.S.A.
Sport: Gymnastics

Danell just isn’t happy with his Olympic over-exposure – he needs to tweet his pornography.

Troy Dumais
Age 32
Country U.S.A.
Sport Diving

Does Troy’s score get a handicap when he dives? That monster must cause and extra splash the Chinese competitors don’t have to worry about.

Ryan Bailey
Age: 23
Country: U.S.A.
Sport: Running

I guess you can say Ryan has an extra leg up on the competition!

 

This depravity took place in Beijing too:

Nelson Évora
Age: 28
Coutnry: Portugal
Sport:

 

My apologies for any typos, for some reaason my keyyyboarddd is veeeery stitttcky todayyyy.

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