It’s Official: Most People Want to Sleep With Ryan Lochte and Phelps is Pissed

Ryan Lochte might not be the brightest bulb in the box, but everyone wants to fuck him. This young, dumb and hopefully hung cutie pie has America a twitter. It’s so crazy that when Lochte admitting to peeing in the pool my Facebook feed blew up. The competition is so fierce between these two, Michael Phelps is having a sit down with Ryan Seacrest to confess he likes to poop in the pool.

Lochte is a prolific tweeter too:

Phelps tries to top Lochte by tweeting he believes God has a plane for everyone. [Dear God, I’d like a G6]

In an interview, Lochte’s mother admitted her son only “goes out on one-night stands.” Not to be outdone, Phelps’ mother blurted out her son fucked Lochte’s mom.

Don’t get too excited ladies Lochte’s mother clarified her statement: “All I wanted to say is that he’s so sensitive about not wanting to hurt a girl dating, so he just goes and dates and takes out a girl for maybe one or two dates and doesn’t have a relationship because he doesn’t have (time) and it’s not fair to the women.”

Check out Lochte response to his mother comments and his thoughts on condoms:

Oh dear, a 28 year old who is “sensitive” and doesn’t put out–he’s probably coming to grips with being gay. In anticipation of Lochte’s outing, Phelps has scheduled a sex-change surgery and will compete on the Olympic women’s swim team in 2016. Beat that Lochte!

Meet Michelle Phelps

It’s quite a battle between these two swimming studs. But it seems like there is nothing Michael Phelps can do to beat his arch nemesis Ryan Lochte. Google trends show, as of August 2, 90% more people wanted to know if Lochte had a girlfriend over Phelps. Analysis of results: more google searchers want to fuck Lochte.

It’s not all bad news for Phelps, 25% more people want to see Phelps naked in the same period. However, in the most prestigious search query “is Lochte or Phelps gay, ” Lochte wins handily with 30% more searchers than Phelps.

Some of my information might be a bit off, but Google trends don’t lie, see for yourself:

I guessed being the most successful Olympian of all time is not all it’s cracked up to be.

Who Would You Rather Fuck:

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Remember when Michael Phelps got caught smoking pot:

He was just trying to be like Lochte who appears high all the time (Or he’s just, well, you know):

All this manufactured rivalry is ridiculous. Clearly these boys have a fondness for each other:


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11 thoughts on “It’s Official: Most People Want to Sleep With Ryan Lochte and Phelps is Pissed

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  10. R. Wagner

    I would toss Lochte in a heartbeat and gladly volunteer to take care of all of Phelp’s sexual needs. I’d keep Michael’s balls as dry as the Sahara.


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