Lena Dunham’s Dick Revealed

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We will get to the dick part in a bit. But let’s start with what could possibly be ripped from an episode of Girls (and probably is), Lena Dunham’s ex-boyfriend makes an unbelievably bad attempt to regain her affections. In a Craig’s List personal (signed AP) Dunham’s ex-boyfriend tries to woo back his former lover with a 20,000 word post detailing how Dunham ruined him for all other women.

Let’s face it AP is fighting a losing battle, after all, Lena Dunham’s star is still on the rise, she’s dating Scarlett Johansson’s ex-boyfriend and she’s writing scripts requiring her to be naked with Patrick Wilson (tough job). There’s a snowballs chance and hell AP is gonna get Lena back. In the extensive personal ad the only two descriptors AP gave about his appearance were his big nose and he has backne–not exactly what Lena is going for these days.

Jack Antonoff Lena Dunhams Boyfried

Lena Dunham’s Boyfriend a.k.a F.U.N band member Jack Antonoff

Life has been terrible for AP, since his break up from Lena he can no longer jack-off to porn or get it up for his Ok-cupid dates. AP, a struggling screen writer, has no game in his 20,000 word diatribe he manages to put Lena down more often than not:

AP’s problems start when he recognizes his ex in a Girls poster, the only difference, he says, was she looked more “glamorous” not like a girl who would “squeeze her belly and make it talk like a Muppet for a post-fuck interview.”

The first time the two met AP says she was surrounded by a “clique of pretty Manhattan girls,” but what drew him to Dunham was her “plain” looks and her attainability. AP feels when he talks to a pretty girl his insecurities bubble, that’s why Lena was perfect for him.

Ok enough with the homage to Lena! AP is basically saying Lena is frumpy, unattractive and the only reason he goes for Lena is because she’s desperate too? Not really the way to win a girl’s heart. Oh yea, AP also disclosed Lena likes bukkaki on her face-not a cool move, girls don’t really dig it when you share behind-closed-doors activities.

Don Juan goes on to say he doesn’t understand Lena’s work. AP is especially critical of a college piece where Lena stands in front of a fountain brushing her teeth. It is clear when you say you ‘don’t get a person’s works’ it’s a nice way of saying ‘it sucks.’

Well, it seems everywhere AP goes he hears about Lena. The most upsetting time was when two guys were talking about the episode where Hannah’s college boyfriend outed himself. Naturally, AP thinks the episode is about him. And since he’s “not gay” he was very befuddled.

I do like to take people at their word on this matter, but I am suspicious when AP says he finally scored a hot chick on Ok-cupid and couldn’t get it up for her, even after taking Viagra. That’s a big red flag for girls. And after underperforming on his date he went home and got off to this:

“You (Lena) with a dick. Not a strap on, but you–small tits, soft curves, and all–with a big, hard, dick. Only I wasn’t there to suck it. I was bent over and spread open. Ready to be fucked.”

UPDATE:
To me this sounds like it could totally be Lena Dunham’s pre-fame boyfriend, but according to Brooklyn.com it was some writing assistant for Newsroom named: Harris Danow.

I’m far from a professional writer, but the only things that makes this remotely interesting is that the douche bag might have actually been Lena’s boyfriend. On another note Danow sure knows a lot a details about Lena Dunham–this has stalker written all over it. Check out his tweet professing his love and respect for Dunham.

Twitter / HarrisDanow: People are getting the wrong …People are getting the wrong idea–I love/respect @lenadunham and GIRLS. The story is about a jerk and the perils of being a hater.

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Now that this might actually be fake, it more seems like Harris really hates Dunham’s success and is frustrated his writing career hasn’t taken off.

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