Manti Te’o: Is He or Isn’t He…

Manti Tao is he Gay or Not

Notre Dame football player Manti Te’o has rocketed to fame for having a fake online romance for two years. Manti’s story is so fascinating because he’s a devout Mormon at a Catholic College that lead Notre Dame to many championships. His football successes were so great that he placed second in voting for the prestigious Heisman Trophy.

Naturally everyone thinks a high-profile guy with a fake girlfriend is gay. Well, before you rush to judgement consider all the circumstances that fueled Manti’s cyber romance:

He’s a football player who has probably suffered significant head trauma throughout his career, which might explain why he didn’t appear to be the brightest bulb in the box during his Katie Couric interview. [Great interview by Ms. Couric, but she failed to ask the most important question on everyone’s mind: did he and his fake girlfriend have phone sex in their two-year relationship–it would have surly cleared up all of these gay rumors.]

He’s very gullible. Shortly after finding out his girlfriend was fake he was also devastated to learn the Easter Bunny, Santa Clause and the Tooth Fairy aren’t real either!

He’s a Mormon surrounded by sea of promiscuous Catholic school girls. The Mormons have strict rules: NO alcohol,  NO coffee, NO tea, NO premarital sex, NO Drugs, NO Porn, NO R-rated movies, NO pair-off dating before 18, NO masturbation, NO multiple body piercing, NO….. Notre Dame is the worse place for a devout Mormon. It’s a sea full temptresses drinking lattes, taking shots of Jesus Juice at Church, getting bellybutton piercings, watching HBO’s Girls while having premarital-sex with his teammates  What is Manti to do but have a fake girlfriend to fend off all the hedonistic jezebels at Notre Dame?

Once you put it all into perspective the years of head trauma, the gullibility and the devout Mormonism he’s clearly as straight as can be.

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