The esteemed website, Ashley Madison, dedicated to helping married people have affairs, has offered one million dollars to anyone with proof Tim Tebow is not a virgin.
No sooner does the bounty surface for Tebow’s virginity did we find out on Page 6 that Tebow is embroiled in a love triangle with Taylor Swift and Glee’s Dianna Agron. And New England Patriots’ tight end Rob Gronkowski magnanimously offers to “eff” Tebow so he can lose his virginity. It seems like they are crawling out of the woodwork to get the million dollars.
That is pretty “stiff” competition but I’m hoping it goes to some everyday run-of-the-mill person. Swift, Argon and The Gronk have plenty of money.
How about the money goes to the chamber maid at the Ritz Carlton? She could leave a Playboy on Tebow’s night table next to a box of tissues and collect the million-dollar evidence in the morning. You don’t need a video for proof – I think we all remember how Bill Clinton got snagged doin’ the nasty by a DNA-soiled blue dress.
Speaking of dresses, after Tebow’s childhood priest heard about the reward he was pissed! About what? Sending his damn clerical robe out for cleaning.
Actually Tebow’s parents who are devout Evangelicals encourage their son to consider doing it! Why? Because one million dollars can help many starving Haitian children. The parents look at it as the Lord’s work.
The Tebow Virginity Watch is on. The lucky lady who does get to deflower Tebow will be making some pretty good coin for 45 seconds of work. It’s his first time so he has been backed up for 24 years–he’s gonna blow on contact.