Oh no he didn’t! Oh yes he did, gurl. That’s none other than Olympic Swimming Stud Ryan Lochte putting his grubby hands all over the grande dame of fashion, Anna Wintour, at the Ralph Lauren Show.

That’s a major no no.  No one touches Ms. Wintour without an invitation–not even Mr. Wintour! And to compound this matter, the self-admitted pool pee-er probably doesn’t wash his hands after using the bathroom. Poor Anna, the day she didn’t wear stocking she’s touched by Lochte’s germ infested hand. Not to worry. Ms. Wintour is taking no chances, an insider tells markatlarge that she got a full body microdermabrasion at Bliss and full battery of STD tests. Our thoughts are with you Ms. Wintour.

It’s ok to greet Ms. Wintour, but one must just follow a simple set of rules, in fact, they are exactly the same encyclopedia of protocols you use to greet the Queen of England. How gracious of Ms. Wintour to lower herself to that level.

For the most part Ms. Wintour looks completely composed throughout the incident with her icy stare and forced smile while appearing to be completely stunned–basically looking like she always does.

Lochte better be careful, Anna has the power to make or break a budding designer’s career aspirations with the bat of an eyelash. After his swimming career, Lochte says he wants to be a fashion designer. People may think that’s funny but he has already designed a successful pair of sunglasses. The design is quite stunning combining both stars and stripes with his block print name. Clearly his inspiration is from the early colonial America period. It’s like Betsy Ross and a kindergartener had a baby and out popped Lochte’s very fashionable eyewear. Bravo Mr Lochte! Take a look at his genius:

Well he’s not quite Marc Jacobs yet! But it’s baby steps at first.

I’m sure this whole incident will blow over, Miss Wintour is a very kind woman. Once after one of her assistants tripped and scalded herself while bringing Ms. Wintour her morning double-whip mocha no-fat double-shot latte, Ms. Wintour was so kind she let her assistant have a half-day off for medical attention if all her daily work was completed before she left.

But the next time Lochte meets Ms. Wintour he should remember to stay 50 feet away, wear white gloves, not to make direct eye contact with any part of Ms. Wintour’s body and just pretend he doesn’t even recognize her. If Lochte can follow those simple rules of etiquette there will be no more horrible future gaffes.

Don’t Miss:

Ryan Lochte Disappoints a Nation

It’s Official: Most People Want to Sleep With Ryan Lochte and Phelps is Pissed

Battle of the (Olympic-Sized) Bulge

Is Queen Elisabeth To Be More Feared Than The Taliban?

Is ‘The New Normal’ Too Gay?