This year the Super Bowl is getting its gay on from the half time show to the commercials and everything in between.
Gay icon Madonna wants her gays back! And what better venue than the Super Bowl Half Time Show to make her call to arms. Madonna will be performing her classic Vogue with New York’s (very gay) House of Ninja. Knowing Madonna and her proclivity to shock, you can bet there will be a lot of men tongue kissing and crotch grinding. I think Vegas is already taking bets on which GOP candidate will say it was inappropriate first. Odds are it will be our favorite homophobe-in-chief Rick Santorum.
House of Ninja–Gaying it Up:
But before the show gets into the bump and grind, Madonna is rumored to be bringing out a gay men’s choir to accompany her on “Ray of Light.” No doubt showing a little class before she gets into the hardcore raunch.
In years past, advertisers have used gay humor to hock their goods during the Super Bowl–who could forget Snickers’ gay kiss?
But this year H&M is going full on gay with its ad featuring soccer stud David Beckham’s bodywear line. The 30-second commercials will be David Beckham wearing nothing but his underwear while a camera scans every inch of his naked body. Mmmm I can imagine on the Monday after the Super Bowl thousands of beer-guzzling, over-weight, fart-joke-tellin’ sports fans will be lining up to be one of the first to get a pair of David Beckham’s skivvies in XXL. In other odd advertising news, Hooters will be airing ads during the Tony Awards featuring women in wet T-shirts. No doubt herds of flawlessly chiseled gay men will be rushing to the food chain to stuff themselves with dozens of fried buffalo wings.
David Beckham HM Ad:
David Beckham is not the only one hawking underwear. New England Patriot Tight End Rob (Gronk) Gronkowski is the spokesman for the European designer underwear company Ceceba. I’m sure the Gronk is very open minded but anytime a company uses the word ‘designer’ to describe underwear it’s codeword for gay. Unfortunately the Gronk’s ad wont be in the Super Bowl.
This will be a huge disappointment to all the straight dudes bromancing a little bit too much over the Gronk. Rap artist Fewcha wrote an entire song about the Gronk called “I Get Hyped.” When one dude writes a song about another dude you might be moving from bromace to full on romance.
Check out Fewcha Words of Affection to The Gronk:
But there is no way the Gronk is gay. He recently got into trouble with the Patriots owner Robert Kraft for tweeting a photo of himself and porn star Bibi Jones.
The Gronk, who appears to be horny 24/7, tweeted Sports Illustrated Swimsuit model Kate Upton: “Hey @KateUpton Happy Birtday!! Can I give you a B day spanky?”
Ms. Upton responded: ”@RobGronkowski well… I haven’t received any birthday spankings yet… hahaha”
The Gronk tweeted a picture of himself shirtless using a lamp to represent Gronk Jr. You just gotta love the Gronk.
The gays really only focus on the quarterbacks, not taking much time to explore the rest of the roster, but after Sunday I have a feeling the Gronk is going to have a whole new set of fans.
Keep in mind if you will be hitting your local gay bar on game day expecting Show Tunes Sunday, it will be preempted this week by something gayer: The Super Bowl!
Here are more shirtless pics of The Gronk and other Super Bowl eye candy: