Taking Back the C-Word

Charlie Rangel Cracker Tea Party

I’m outraged! My congressmen used a racist term. That’s right Charlie Rangel called white people cr*ckers (I will modify cracker with ‘*’ as not to offend my readers.) Truth be told, I have only been out raged a few days, since hearing about it on Fox and Friends, before that I thought a cr*acker was a delicious shelf-stable snack–what do I know.

Luckily on the day this travesty went down Fox had its most informed friend on, Donald Trump. Mr Trump had plenty to say about, as Fox puts it, “Rangle’s Racist Rant.” Mr. Trump said if Mr. Rangel was a conservative (a.k.a a white person) who tossed around the C-word they would be run out of office. What a double standard!

Fox goes on to equate the C-word with the N-word, pointing out Paula Deen lost her entire empire for using the word “once” thirty years ago. How is this fair I ask? This delightfully salty treat is nothing more than a nasty word signifying white people’s years of oppression.

A little research on my part uncovered this isn’t the first time the Congressman has used the C word, according to the clerk at his local deli he slings the word around like a drunken sailor, particularly when he orders soup. Given the racial sensitivity of the word, especially when uttered by a black person, Mr. Rangle should use better judgement and opt for a roll next time.

People don’t really understand the plight of us crackas. For the record, it’s completely ok for me to say crackas because I’m part of the effected group trying to take the power back from the word–think of me as the white Kanye. Crackas really have it tough, I was at the department store recently unable to get assistance picking out my Uggs because all the employees were following the black people–what gives. Or the other day I tried to get directions to my new yoga studio from an officer, but he was to busy pulling over a black person to help. At this point the only advantage a cracka has is getting a Taxi–you know they all go to white people first.

The C-word is a big issue, hopefully the white people’s Jay-Z, Taylor Swift, will write a song about our struggles, I’d imagine it be something like Jay-Z’s hit “Ni**as in Paris.” The premise of Taylor’s song could be she goes to Paris, finds a douchbag boyfriends and gets dumps (like in all her songs)–the title could be “Cr**kas in Paris.”

Fox has done a great service to the American people by highlighting the pain the C-word inflicts. Words do hurt! Non-white people just don’t get the pain I suffer walking down the snack aisle at Whole Foods seeing the C-word plastered over boxes of Ritz. Cr*cker is everywhere! I’m implore people to take action. Lets start by boycotting Kraft Foods until they change the name of their hurtfully branded foods. Its time to end the pain this word causes  so many white Americans by obliterating the word from our lives in all forms. Finally, some words of advice for Congressman Rangle: please use a more appropriate word next time when you’re referring to the Tea Party’s intolerance–like bigots.

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