Celebrity Apprentice: The Mob Edition

The Donald has tried everything from questioning the president’s citizenship to reigniting his war with Rosie O’Donnell to get some buzz for the latest season of Celebrity Apprentice. When the hype machine is in overdrive, it’s a signal the season will be really bad or over-the-top crazy fun. From the first episode, it’s hard to determine how this season will play out. The 18 “celebrities” are just getting to know each other and playing it a bit coy. But you can already tell there is some trouble brewing on the ladies team.

Model Patricia Velasquez

Given The Apprentice’s lofty intension of making money for charities, the only reason people tune in is for the backstabbing and battles. We certainly don’t care too much for the charity, or for that matter, who is really the best apprentice. Last season after Star and Nene got the boot I tuned out. I couldn’t care less about which lackluster celebrity gets paid to do charity work that most people do for free.


I’m afraid this season we are going to need some fireworks to keep the audience’s attention—the caliber of celebrity is a bit low.  Let’s look at the conundrum the ladies were in for the first charity challenge: knowing the power of celebrity sells, comedian Lisa Lampanelli asks the group “who is the most recognizable face here?” The team leader Patricia (Google her, I don’t know her either) Velasquez responds: Teresa Giudice. Yikes! A reality star from the Real Housewives of New Jersey is the most recognizable celebrity on your team? Wow! It doesn’t say much for the other “celebrities” on the ladies team who pride themselves in having some sort of talent like singing, acting or just being pretty.

Aubrey O'Day

Singer Aubrey (I have no idea who she is) O’Day was, in her words, “in disgust” because she was not mentioned as the most recognizable celebrity. After all, as she says, she was part of the girl group Danity (I never head of) Kane. But for haters, like me, she told us she has the most Twitter followers out of all the women. Clearly, it’s a sign of desperation when you need to check your Twitter account to prove just how famous you are, not to mention it indicates how low of a caliber you think the other celebrities are.

Aubrey better check her ‘tude at the door. All her Twitter followers chirped-up zero dollars for the charity. It was Patricia Velasques and Miss Universe Dayana (if I was straight, I’m sure I would know who she was) Mendoza that brought in over 95% of the $126,000 raised. On top of that, it was Teresa Giudice who brought in one of the bigger name donors, the head honcho at Bravo responsible for the Real Housewives franchise, Andy Cohen.

Andy Cohen Out of His Suit

Unfortunately for the ladies Andy is as tacky as one of the wives from his reality shows. Andy was so cheap his donation amount didn’t even merit being mentioned during the show. That says a lot considering donors giving contributions as low as $500 dollars were announced on-air for their generosity. It just looked like it was a desperate attempt for Andy to be on television—definitely sounds like a pathetic housewife move.

With all the ladies’ hard work they lost to a rather lackluster (not really worth mentioning) men’s team. The men’s team was headed up by reality “star” Paul (Who? No Idea, but if lived in a trailer park we would be neighbors) Teutul, Sr. from “American Chopper.”

Paul Teutul

Paul Teutul had an ace up his sleeve: a wealthy friend who donated $305,000. That’s right! The 1% aren’t busy enough buying our elections now they’re tinkering with reality TV. Teutul who was destined to be fired in week one given his barely detectable celebrity status and non-existent personality, changed his odds thanks to his big benefactor. So the 99% are stuck watching a celebrity for just a few more weeks who is slightly less interesting than watching paint dry.

Since the men were victorious, one of the ladies must get fired. Surprisingly one of the most hyped celebrities of the season, daughter of an infamous New York Mobster, Victoria Gotti, was in the bottom two with super model Cheryl Tiegs. Victoria gives the air that the show is beneath her; on the first day she showed up an hour late to work and while the ladies where calling up donors Victoria was on the phone with her kids and various “business” partners.

Victoria Gotti

In the boardroom with Donald Trump, many of Victoria’s teammates identified her as having a poor work ethic. As Victoria was verbally assaulted she sat there unfazed by the criticism. Trump accused her and Cheryl of holding their big donors for when they will be project leads, an accusation Victoria confirmed. At least Cheryl had the good sense to lie about it to stay in the game.

Why was Victoria acting so brazen? This is simple: there is no way Victoria is going home ’till the end of the season–Victoria Gotti equals ratings. Trump knows that better than anyone. She’s a self-entitled, egotistical megalomaniac who’s claim to fame is being the daughter of a convicted criminal and the subject of a reality show.

Is it fair? Hell Yes! No one is tuning in to see a bunch of prim and proper D-List celebrities do good deeds. We want all out war. And who best to deliver that than Victoria Gotti.

Victoria’s most favored status with the Donald, poor work ethic and tardiness must be driving the other ladies crazy. This week the ladies were almost united in their criticism against Victoria, a sign of brinkmanship for sure. But the assaults on Victoria backfired. Expect Victoria Gotti to be gunning for revenge in the week to come. Stay tuned!

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  1. Pingback: Has Donald Trump Jumped the Shark? | MarkatLarge

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