The Top 10 Reasons Why The Hot Guy On HBO’s Girls Quit

I think it clear which one is leaving

I think it’s clear which one is leaving

The Girls obsessed website Jezebel is reporting: The One Hot Guy on Girls Quits Because He Can’t Stand Lena Dunham. Essentially they’re saying the rest of the guys on Girls are ugly–I’m totally ok with that. But if you dare imply Lena Dunham is the least bit pudgy or suggest she’s not pretty enough to sleep with Patrick Wilson Jezebel will go all Gloria Steinem on your ass. #doublestandard

Of course Jezebel jumps all over Christopher Abbott (a.k.a the hot guy on Girls), not even considering Lena Dunham might be a bit difficult to work with. Suffice it to say I have some pretty compelling scenarios for Mr. Abbott’s abrupt departure.

Christopher Abbott Leaves Girls Cant Stand Lena Dunham

The Top 10 Reasons The Hot Guy From Girls Quit:

10) Hannah (Lena Dunham’s character) gets wind from her BFF that Charlie (Christopher Abbott) is an expert muffin muncher – Lena naturally insists on a scene where they both get drunk and he goes down on her vajaya. The part Abbot can’t bear is Lena insisting on going commando for the scene.

9) Lena demands Charlie goes full monty in season 3–Abbott refuses to expose his manhood fearing the world will discover he has a small penis-wah wah.

8) Lena is requiring a contract stipulation that Abbott gets fat so she’s not the only one on the show referred to as having a “normal” body type.

7) Abbott complained he was much too big of a star to keep making the tampon runs.

6) Abbott got caught by Lena pleasuring himself to a copy of Playboy. Lena was so horrified she sent a crew member over with a copy of Lane Bryant’s Plus Size Women’s Bikini issue and a terse note on how Playboy objectifies women. That was Abbott’s final straw.

5) Lena insists on being naked during the entire taping causing it to get a bit awkward around meal times. Abbott finally had it after the 10th time of picking her pubic hairs out of his cream cheese and lox bagel.

4) Hannah has a food/sex dream sequence where Abbot is the cream in her Oreo cookie. It’s a bizarre vignette that involves Charlie schtupping Hannah while he’s taking it from her doofus boyfriend, hence he’s the cream in her Oreo ménage à trois. However, the scene gets a little too perverse for Abbott when Hannah wants Charlie to eat Oreo’s from her snatch.

3) Lena caught Abbott eating salad, working out and reading during his downtime. Lena insists the cast use method acting even when not on the set, thus all the actors should behave like “real” Americans eating Big Macs, playing video games and watching TV for endless hours. It’s important to Lena that her show is about “real” men and women, not like those unrealistic skinny bitches on Sex and the City whom she despises.

2) Lena is rumored to be feuding with fellow cast member Alison Williams (a.k.a the hot guy’s girlfriend). In what can only be described as a very spiteful act, Lena writes off Charlie and replaces him with a super ugly boyfriend for Alison’s character. And the sex scenes between the two are said to be more raunchy than any sex scene Lena has ever done–that says a lot! Poor Alison.

1) HBO’s other hit show The Game of Thrones offered Abbott a smaller part and less money to join the cast. Abbott immediately jumped at the opportunity primarily because the women are still naked for no reason and they are much hotter. Men are just pigs!

I’m Outta Here:

Christopher Abbott Leaves Girls Lena Dunham

 

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One thought on “The Top 10 Reasons Why The Hot Guy On HBO’s Girls Quit

  1. Pingback: Lena Dunham Ruins Ugly People’s Lives markatlarge

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