Tim Tebow has followed the word of the Lord to a tee–he goes to church, doesn’t drink, prays every night, gives money to charity and most of all hasn’t had sex!!! For christ-sake what else does this guy have to do to get a break. Let’s take a look at some low points in his year:
The Jet’s refuse to play Tebow in the last game of the year opting for the 3rd string QB Greg (who the fuck is he) McElroy.
His pussy teammates anonymously say he’s ‘terrible,’ even though the Jet’s have a loosing record and its first string QB has the most interceptions of any QB in the league.
His former team, the Denver Bronco, also anonymously piped in concurring he did in fact suck despite the team wining one playoff with Tebow at the helm last year. This Bronco insider theorized the team was so great they didn’t need Tebow to win. In fact Tebow held them back robbing them from a trip to the Superbowl. Oddly enough the Bronco’s didn’t have Tebow this year and they lost the playoffs, in a round that Tebow won last year.
Pastor Peter Tebow, Tim Tebow’s brother took to twitter to gloat over the Bronco’s loss: (side note: did you really expect Tebow’s brother to have any other Job than a pastor-I was hoping for a porn producer, but he’s a paster)
Am I the only one in Denver who’s happy right now?
and he re-tweeted:
“That’s karma, Elway.” — wife, Tebow-lover
— Ted Spiker (@ProfSpiker) January 13, 2013
That’s very spiteful for a man of the cloth. However, less then 24 hours after he tweeted his jubilation over the Bronco’s loss it was deleted replace by this tweet.
My comment after the game was uncalled for. I may root for another team but I should never gloat about anyone’s misfortune. I’m truly sorry.
— Peter Tebow (@petertebow) January 14, 2013
(I don’t buy it–I think he’s still happy the Bronco’s lost)
Finally, when all signs indicate the Jets will cut Tebow, his hometown team, the Jacksonville Jaguars, announced they don’t want him either. You have to start feeling like there is no God when the most losingest team in the NFL doesn’t want you. It’s even worse when you consider Jacksonville was in a bidding war with the Jet’s for him last year.
One last thing: Tebow’s two-month no-fucking relationship with actress Camilla Belle ended. A source tells US Weekly in an exclusive “It just didn’t work out.” (Great exclusive US Weekly I have another one: The Sun will rise in the East tomorrow-for some extra money I’ll let you know where it sets.)
It was a shitty year for Tebow no two ways about it. The Jet’s screwed Tebow over. But you know God says, “turn the other cheek,” so we can’t really expect Tebow to tell Coach Rex Ryan to “go fuck himself.” Instead Tebow takes to Facebook posting cryptic Bible passages at his darkest times, like Ephesians 3:20, Isaiah 9:6, Matthew 1:21. You know Tebow is pissed when he just post the bible reference with no explanation. I looked a few up (ok just one) it’s just bible gibberish I don’t really understands. But I’m sure some Jesus-lovin Sunday schooler thinks it’s quite a snap.
Based on Tebow’s tumultuous year don’t be surprised if at some point in 2014 Tim Tebow renounces the Lord Jesus Christ, starts fucking every starlet in hollywood, come stumbling out of the club at 4am and enters rehab for cocaine addition.