I need a new Olympic obsession since Ryan Lochte is so last year. Now I have my sights set on Britain’s cutest national treasure Tom Daley. It might seem odd but at age 18, he has an autobiography about himself and a BBC documentary–the British must be starved for good Olympians. They’re so desperate for a great Olympian that if Michael Phelps was British, Queen Elizabeth would abdicate the throne and the country would pledge its allegiance to King Phelps I.

I mean come on! The kid is 18. What is in his autobiography – he was potty trained at 2, got his first pube at 12, jacked-off at 14 and likes to dive in the pool? Definitely a hot summer read–blows away 50 Shades of Gray.

I have done some research on this Tom Daley and noted a few peculiar things:

Daley loves to rip off his pants.

Definitely a Go-Go Boy in training–there might be a career for him after the Olympics. The working title for his next autobiography is Tom Daley: from The Pool to Porn.

Seriously porno for Tom Daley is not so far fetched – look what a clever fan made:

I’d say he has the moves.

Ok enough with the porno, back to Daley ripping off his pants:

Now how exactly does that make your diving better? Is he at the Chippendales summer training camp?

Hear the full video of the British Diving Team lip syncing for their Life to I’m Sexy and I Know It with the crescendo taking place when the pants come off: